Catharsis
by tidvis
Summary: The story of how Carlisle met Jasper and Edward, set in Volterra in the nineteenth century. Carlisle has grown tired of the ways of the Volturi and decides to leave them. But Aro has one more trick up his sleeve.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Before you start reading, I should probably point out that this story contains both homoerotic and incestuous undertones – but please, don't let that stop you from reading it. I'm actually very proud of this one.

–-

Aro's presence vexed me, even though he did nothing but hover soundlessly at my side as I moved through the long stone corridor. He had said there was something he wanted to show me, but never revealed what it was, which irritated me. Of course, I already knew what it concerned, but the fact that he would not let me know frustrated me.

For some time now, I had been thinking about leaving the Volturi for good. Not merely because I had grown tired of acting noble – when I was in fact no less than a monster – and not because I was bored with the Volterra vampires, but because the Volturi coven had begun to change their ways lately, and the direction in which it was heading worried me greatly.

I felt I could no longer stand by and watch as they tortured their victims, growing more and more cruel by the day. I was sickened to see the blood glisten upon their pale lips, and the vision of those innocent creatures walking into the castle – never to walk out of it – would never cease to torment me.

The Volturi had always been grim in their own way, but truly now they were turning cruel, barbaric – the last shreds of respect for life disintegrating from their beings.

I had started to wonder if it were possible to find another way of living – one that would fit me better. I knew I didn't want to stay with them, but I also knew that I could never stand being on my own, alone. My heart yearned to find some place where I could feel at home, without the lust for human blood and the terrible screams of humans being murdered. I longed for the company of others like me.

And Aro – what with his convenient ability to read me by the touch of a hand and his touchy-feely attitude – knew all of this, and desperately tried to convince me not to leave. But in spite of his best efforts – and they were numerous – his arguments would only push me further away from him. Hearing him debate the many reasons why I should stay with the coven, I became more certain than ever that I shouldn't dwell there any longer than necessary. It just wasn't the place for me any more.

I was certain that this thing he now wanted to show me – whatever it was – had to do with another one of his attempts to get me to stay. But there was something unusual in his silence today, and in his posture; something almost smug.

"What is this, Aro? What are you up to?"

Though I didn't look at him, I could sense his grin widening. He was planning something, all right.

I sighed. How long would this go on? How long would he keep up his futile attempts before he realized that I wasn't about to change my mind? And how long until I found the courage – or the strength, or whatever it was I was waiting for – to take what little belongings I had and leave?

"Oh, you'll see," he said dreamily. "Once we reach your chambers."

I felt the slight brush of his fingertips against the back of my hand, as he checked to see whether I had any clue what was awaiting me.

I did not. Nothing could have prepared me for it.

Once we came to the door of my room, he stood in front of me and gave me a hard long stare, a haughty smile dancing upon his lips. He was absolutely stunning and absolutely terrifying; the red eyes wide and glowing against the whiteness of his skin. His lips parting, he leaned in, barely touching my cheek with his breath.

"Be polite."

Watching him walk off, I hesitated to open the door.

Did I really want to step right into yet another one of Aro's ridiculous plots? I thought not. Yet, at the same time, there was something urging me to pass through that door and allow me to lay my eyes upon whatever was waiting for me on the other side; a feeling of security and comfort, a feeling of love.

_Odd_, I thought, as I entered.

I blinked for a moment, scanning the room for guards to jump at me – or really anything alarming or unusual. Instead I found myself looking at an image so sweet, I almost didn't believe my eyes.

Upon the large satin-covered bed sat two young men, close to each other; their red eyes curiously watching me already as I stepped into the room, as if they had been awaiting my arrival. Their beauty – it truly was breathtaking – made it hard to estimate their human age, but they must have been somewhere around the age of twenty when they were turned. No doubt about it, they were vampires now.

For a long while, I did nothing but stare at them, dazed by the sight of their magnificent faces.

Who were they? What were they doing here?

Neither of them spoke a word. In silence they sat watching me, arms wrapped around each other's waists. They were both dressed in white shirts, unbuttoned so that they revealed to pale, hairless chests. There was a calm and serenity about them that astounded me; like they'd been sitting there for eons, silently watching, waiting.

Then one of them spoke up.

"_Signore _Cullen?"

His voice was beautiful; so smooth and flowing as it rolled over his thin lips and into the air. He had an utterly exquisite face; narrow without being weak, with high cheekbones, and light honey curls hanging at his shoulders.

"I am Jasper," the boy went on. "This is my brother, Edward."

He made a small gesture toward the other boy. Though they shared an undeniable, yet hard-to-define beauty, the other boy's jaw was a lot stronger than his brother's, and his hair was shorter, straighter and more sort of reddish than blonde.

I didn't really know what to reply. What did they want? What part did they have in Aro's plan?

Finally regaining control over my legs, I stepped further into the room – shutting the door behind me – their eyes watching me intently even as I sat down in my favourite armchair.

A moment's silence passed, while I pondered the situation. Since I didn't know quite what to say or do, I asked them: "Can I do anything for you? Is that why you're here – because you need advice on something?"

Really, it wasn't as much of a long-shot as it might seem. It had occurred more than once that young vampires and newcomers to the coven came to me with spiritual or moral dilemmas. Over the last century, the role I had gained in the Volturi was almost that of a priest.

But the boy named Jasper merely smiled, tenderly caressing his brother's cheek.

"It is we who are here to help you."

Patiently I waited for him to explain further, but in vain.

Silently observing them, I was amazed at the intimacy of their simple touches. Even as they sat there completely still, waiting for me to say something, their breathing seemed in sync. Their bodies were pressed so close, and were so motionless, they looked like a statue of some ancient lovers; inseparable and indestructible. They were so peaceful, so immaculate together.

The feeling of security that I had experienced in the hallway reached me once again, as I caught Jasper's eye.

"Are you really brothers?"

"Twins," he corrected.

"I see," I said, hesitating slightly. "Were you ... created at the same time as well?"

"Yes. We are two times twins."

_How beautiful_, I thought. _Truly inseparable_.

"Edward is my brother and my lover, for all intended purposes."

His words, though unusually solemn for someone so young, didn't surprise me; it seemed only natural that these two would share every kind of bond possible. I found myself hardly even seeing them as individuals; they seemed more of an entity, meant to be together, and never apart.

"Edward is to me what no other person could ever be. He is a part of myself. If ever anything would happen to him and I would be left behind, I would kill myself. I would kill myself and I would die broken-hearted."

"As I would for you, dear brother," said Edward, speaking up for the first time.

I wasn't at all shocked to hear the absolute affection in his voice, neither the look of deepest understanding they were now exchanging.

Jasper lightly touched his brother's ear, looking with intent into his red eyes.

I had known these youngsters for such a short time, but already I was completely fascinated by them. I had never seen such love or dependence in vampires and, quite frankly, it bewildered me. Was it possible that we – creatures of evil and of darkness – could experience such emotions? Was it possible for us to find a love that was beyond life itself – damned though that life may be?

An hour ago, my immediate answer would have been _no_. And yet, right in front of me were the most definite evidence I could ever ask for.

What did this mean?

Pushing my questions aside for now, I was curious to find out more about these extraordinary boys.

"Are you new to the coven? New to this life?"

"Quite," Jasper replied. "Aro made us himself, some months ago."

"You seem much calmer than most newborns."

"We've had our share of rebelliousness," said Jasper, smiling mischievously.

Strange, indeed. So Aro had personally created these two? The fact only puzzled me more. Normally, Aro only handled the _selection_, but left the actual turning to Caius. He had always had trouble with stopping himself in time to save the victim. So what did it mean that he had changed these two? Why put out so much effort for them?

"May I approach you?" Edward asked suddenly.

The questions caught me off my feet, but I told him _of course_ and he rose ever so slowly from the bed, softly slipping loose of his brother's grip. Once he reached me, he sunk onto his knees, carefully taking one of my hands and holding it between his own. Looking down at him, I felt my heart quiver at the beauty and the innocence of his face.

"We have been told so many things about you. So many people have told us, with such respect in their voices, about your intellect and your morals, of your elegance and depth and of your beauty. Seeing you now – hearing you speak – I know that all of their words were true. And I know that you carry a lot of sorrow inside your heart. I can see it in your mind; it shines through every thought. My brother and I are here to rid you of these sorrows. We are here to prove to you that as vampires, we are not the monsters you make us out to be. We are here to give you what Aro and the others have been unable to give you."

He paused, throwing a subtle glance and a smile at his brother, and then looked up at me once more.

"We find you intriguing, as you do us. And we are certain that the three of us will learn much from each other, and that we will love each other deeply."

My mind was working at double its normal speed, trying to comprehend what Edward had just told me and still trying to figure out the details to Aro's plan. The boys were watching me silently, awaiting my response. Meanwhile, thoughts and questions were racing aimlessly inside my mind.

"I don't understand," I said, finally. "You mean … when you said you are here to help me … You weren't actually made … _for _me, were you?"

Staring from one face to another, I understood that their smiles meant _yes_. Yes, Aro had made them so that he could give them to me; like inanimate objects without wills of their own. Yes, they were fully aware that they had been made for this purpose and this purpose only. And yes, they were obviously completely content with that; for what reasons I couldn't possibly understand.

"This is madness," I said, pulling my hand away from Edward. "This is completely insane!"

Rising from the chair, I rushed to the door and tore it open. The hallway was empty, but in my anger I screamed for Aro. And sure enough; a moment later I could sense the unmistakable scent of grass and wood, the smell of nature that I knew was his. I approached him as he rounded the corner, furious with him in a way I had scarcely been before. But his face showed no emotion, other than the conceited satisfaction he had shown me earlier.

Grabbing him by the arm, I spat out the words: "What were you thinking? _What the hell were you thinking!_"

His smile widened, revealing a set of pearly white teeth.

"Don't you like them?"

"_Like them! _Have you gone completely out of your mind? This is so way out of line – It's the most despicable thing you have ever done!"

"Calm down, _you child_," he said, tearing loose of my grip, suddenly agitated.

Brushing the sleeve of his cape like I had befouled it, he straightened his back in an attempt to seem superior, even though he hardly reached the height of my nose.

"How could you do that! Have you not got a heart at all any more? Two young and beautiful, perfectly innocent creatures … How could you do this? And for what – for another one of your ridiculous games?"

"Oh, shut up, Carlisle. I am doing you a favour."

"A_ favour_?" The word made me laugh. "Had you even the slightest idea who I am, you would know that in my eyes, this is one of the worst things you could ever have done. You should know by know my feelings about creating new ones!"

"Of course I know how you feel about it! I know you better than anyone. Which is why I know that this is actually the _best _thing I could have done for you. Trust me, my friend – my intentions are nothing but good. I did this for you."

"Oh, really? Good intention's, huh? And would you mind explaining your good intentions for me, because I _really_ don't see it!"

"I'll explain it all to you, if only you shut up and let me."

I stared at him, my mind blazing with anger.

Softly he placed his hand at my shoulder and led me to one of the stone benches along the wall. Once we were seated, he turned to me and took my hand, holding it affectionately between his own. His features were friendlier now, as if he was preparing to explain something extremely complex to a child.

"I understand that this might seem an odd way for me to help you – I do. But really, this_ is_the absolute best thing for you right now." He made a short pause, gently stroking the back of my hand. "I've seen your concerns; you know that I have. Every single one of them. I understand your sorrow and your longing perhaps better than you yourself do. I have heard all of your questions. You are wondering if this is the only way for creatures like us to live. You are wondering what else is out there, and you want to explore other life styles. You no longer agree with the way we do things around here. I hold no grudge or judgement against you for that; to each its own. All I want is for you to be happy, Carlisle. That is all I ever wanted. So I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I finally realized what had to be done. You regret the fact that you never had the time to marry, or to have a family, don't you? And this – this coven of monsters – it has been a good enough substitute for a very long time, but it can no longer meet your needs. So you long for something else."

It was strange how I had never formulated my emotions in these kinds of words, and still I knew that every word he spoke was true. It felt as if he had torn open my chest and plucked them straight from my heart.

I said nothing. What could I say?

Aro continued.

"I chose young Jasper and young Edward for you, knowing that you would be intrigued by their beauty and their ability to love so deeply. I chose them in hope that they could satisfy your need both for depth and beauty and love, as well as your need for a family. I explained this to them right from the start, and they were glad to do it. They have had a hard life, despite their young age, and the promise of a passionate and intelligent father-figure warmed their hearts. They were not forced into this life, believe me; they wanted it. They begged me to change them and I could do nothing but heed their plea. And really, I couldn't have given them a greater gift. I gave them eternal beauty and eternal youth and eternal life. I gave them forever in each other's arms; the very thing that all young lovers so dream of. And I gave them you, in the same way that I gave you them. You may not know it yet, but you need each other so very much."

He said nothing for a moment, awaiting my response. But I couldn't find any words to express what I was feeling, so he went on: "They're very special, you know. Have you figured out their unusual abilities yet?"

"Abilities?"

"Yes. Edward is a mind-reader, but unlike myself he can read a person from afar. And Jasper has the very unique ability to manipulate your emotions without you ever even knowing it. Fascinating, don't you think? I have honestly never seen anything like it." He paused for another moment, then asked: "So, do you understand now why I did it?"

I nodded slowly.

I had strongly miscalculated Aro's intelligence on this matter. Of course I knew that despite his noble, so called _intentions_, this was just another means for him to try and convince me not to leave; and it was in fact his best attempt so far. His words echoed in my mind: _You regret the fact that you never had the time to marry and have a family_, _don't you? And this – this coven of monsters – it has been a good enough substitute for a very long time, but it can no longer meet your needs. So you long for something else._

I hated the fact that he was right. I hated the fact that his plan was working better than he could perhaps have imagined it would. I hated the fact that I had already grown so fond of Jasper and Edward, wanting to get to know them better and study the strong bond they shared.

"Now. I'm sure the boys are wondering where you've gone to. You shouldn't keep them waiting."

And with those words, he rose and left, his steps making no audible sounds against the cold granite floor. I dwelled but a few seconds on the bench before I too got to my feet.

When I returned, they were both sitting on the bed again, as if Edward had never risen at all. Their eyes were already turned in my direction when I entered, like they had known I would appear in the doorway at that exact moment.

I sighed and sat down, pushing back a streak of hair that had fallen into my eyes.

They said nothing, and neither did I.

This changed everything.

Aro had finally turned the tables on me. I simply couldn't leave now that these two were depending on me, and he knew that.

It wasn't their fault, the way things had turned out, and I couldn't punish them for Aro's misbehaviour. Perhaps he was right; perhaps he did know me better than anyone … How else would he know that this would work? I was probably the only vampire who could be convinced – not by blood offerings or riches' – but with love and beauty. Aro knew this so well, and I deeply hated and loved him for it.

Watching their beautiful faces, I wondered at the ease with which they had stepped into this world of darkness. To them it was a blessing, not a curse. To them it was the closest thing to heaven; to share eternity together.

Maybe Edward had been right. Maybe vampires mustn't be monsters; maybe we are capable of something else, something better, and I had just not discovered it yet. Jasper and Edward were undeniable proof that in being evil, our kind is still capable of loving. I had thought myself condemned to desire and bitterness, but had been proven wrong by these delicate creatures in front of me. The thought made me tremble. I had been so completely mistaken. And the fact that Aro had been the one to finally opened my eyes to this humiliated me. I had thought him a simple-minded being, with no interest whatsoever for subjects such as love and emotion – but obviously I had been wrong. Perhaps he understood far more about our nature than I would ever know.

I felt as if everything around me had started to crumble; the very foundation upon which I had built my view on life was collapsing beneath me. I didn't know what to believe in any longer.

I looked at them again, and realized that Edward must be following my thoughts very closely, for he was staring intently at me; his eyes compassionate and warm. And just as I thought this, I realized that there was a certain mood sort of hovering in the room, trying to break into the despair that surrounded me. Jasper too was looking straight at me, his head slightly tilted to the side.

Oh, these boys. These beautiful, beautiful boys. Aro really couldn't have chosen anyone better than them. Without a word spoken, they both knew exactly what I was going through, and it was the first time in my life that that had ever happened.

Both of them smiled at me, sweet and innocent as saints and with the splendour of saints as well. I felt like walking up to them an embracing them, pressing them hard against my chest as my tears stained their skin – but I remained seated. I felt somehow inferior to them; unworthy of even being in their presence. Truly, this was the greatest gift I had ever received.

Bless Aro. Bless him to the heavens.

I had already fallen deeply in love with these boys, had already begun my worshipping of them for their magnificence and their ability to love. Once again I found myself unable to express the emotions in me. I wanted to tell them of my love and respect for them, but was unable to.

"You are overwhelmed," Jasper stated simply.

"Yes," I replied, a nervous laughter escaping me. "Very much so."

"So you are glad, then?"

"Yes. Very glad."

That didn't even cover half of it. I felt more joyous than I had in a hundred years.

"As are we. We already feel the utmost affection for you. May we further on address you as Carlisle?"

I nodded.

I realized just then that they both kept saying _we_, always speaking as an entity instead of two individuals. It didn't surprise me all that much, but it was an interesting observation, I thought. And I couldn't help but wonder if they were ever apart, if they ever left each other's side. I found it hard to imagine them separated and on their own. They belonged together, always – it was as simple as that.

After a moment of gathering strength and courage, I rose to my feet and approached them. Coming to a halt in front of them, I sank to my knees – much like Edward had done before me – and looked up at them. I felt small, meaningless next to them, but it was in no way an uncomfortable feeling; in fact, it felt relieving.

Bowing my neck, I carefully laid my head to rest upon Jasper's lap. As he placed his hand on my hair, softly stroking it as if comforting me, I finally felt the tears well up in my eyes. My heart erupted with emotion, and I wept; overwhelmed by the love that was inside me and all around me. I could feel Edward's fingers gently touch my neck, tenderly gracing my hard cold skin.

I had found home. I had found a family. I had found love.

And I wept, letting go of all the sorrows locked inside of me. In pure ecstasy, I believed that I was being touched by angels; that these creatures of unfathomable beauty had been sent by the very God I had started to doubt. And I let the tears stain my face for the first time in almost two centuries, hoping it would relieve me of my despair and my sadness.

And indeed these angels, sent from the heavens, brought me peace.

I don't know how much time had passed when finally my eyes went dry and I fell into a trance-like state, dreaming of visions I had since long forgotten. All the world's beauty became obvious to me. The magic of simply walking this earth, of being blessed with extraordinary senses and resilience, seemed infinite. Hope returned to me. Life returned to me, even though I had been dead for so long.

Had I fallen into the eternal slumber right then and there, it wouldn't have mattered all that much to me – if not for the fact that I now shared my existence with Jasper and Edward. I wanted to stay awake so that I could be with them. I wanted to share all of life's offerings with them.

My sons and brothers and lovers. And how I loved them; it was beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

And they were mine eternally, as I was eternally theirs.

Love, it seemed, had caught me off guard and blessed me. And I was thankful.


	2. Chapter 2

I had failed.

My goal had been simple: to lead with Jasper and Edward a peaceful existence, living of the blood of animals, while sharing each others strength and love. I never could have imagined that it would be this hard, or turn out the way it eventually did; although I see now that I was naïve to believe it would be so easy.

So much had changed over the last eighteen months, since they came to me. I had changed; I was stronger now, yet more vulnerable at the same time. I had been given the most beautiful blessing and it had irrevocably altered my life in every way. Where once I only wanted to find happiness for myself, I had found a new purpose entirely; to supply happiness and safety for somebody else. I had learned more in this short time – about love and loyalty and responsibility – than I had in an entire century. But I had also learned about loss, and about the pain of leaving a place you used to call your home.

Now there was only the two of us – Jasper and me – alone in an abandoned cottage in the woods somewhere in southern France, about to make a fresh start. And God, how I hoped things would get better from there on.

xXx

The first few months after the boys came to me was heaven; I had never felt more at peace. They provided my existence with the very beauty and emotion I had come to doubt could even exist in a vampire's life. They had given me a renewed sense of hope and spirituality, and I was content; happy, even.

Once again, Aro had won. I remained with the Volturi – Jasper and Edward now by my side – still nauseous at the very thought of the rites practised by my coven. Most of the time, the three of us kept to ourselves, in a desolate end of the castle. My reasoning was this: if I did not mix with the others, I need not bother with feeling morally fraught about their activities. This was, of course, a naïve thing to believe. Evil always manages to find cracks through which to creep in. That being said, my intentions were always good.

I wanted to protect Jasper and Edward. They were young and, so I believed, still unspoiled – and I wanted them to remain that way. I desperately wanted to believe the possibility of the existence of innocent vampires. So I shielded them from the others and the world outside and taught them my ways, in hopes that they – in spite of the fact that their creation had been an act of evil – would live their eternities in virtue.

To begin with, this seemed a fairly simple task; they looked up to me and wanted nothing more than to please me. But soon enough, the warning signs began to show all over.

After a year or so, they seemed to be getting restless – especially Edward, who often came to me asking whether we could go outside the castle or spend some time with the other vampires. For every _no_ he got in response, I could tell his curiosity, as well as his frustration, increased. What was I keeping from him?

Jasper was more keen on staying on my good side, and often told his brother to simply let the matter go. This eventually led to cracks erupting in the foundation of their relationship, and it wasn't long until they had what I believe to be their very first fight, ever. Poor things were so new to conflicts, they seemed to cry more than they argued.

I remember comforting them both afterwards.

"You have to understand," whimpered Jasper in between sobs, "Edward doesn't understand that this – what we have here, the three of us – is the best thing he could ever get. He's always been impatient, always longing for that which he cannot have, and that which is ultimately not good for him. I thought it would get better once we were made vampire's, but it seems he still does not know how to settle down –"

"You don't have to explain for him," I replied, gently stroking his hair as he clutched the front of my shirt with his hands, pressing closer to my chest. "It's not your fault. My sweet Jasper."

He snuffled. "It wasn't my intention to cause a fight. I only wanted to talk sense with him."

Edward was equally shaken, but refused my embrace.

"I cannot understand why my proposal is so implausible!" he exclaimed, tears running down his cheeks. "Neither of you are making any sense. If we stay locked inside for the rest of eternity, we might as well rot in our graves! I have grown weary of wondering what it's like out there -" he pointed to the window "- I want to know! I want to know what it is you are trying to hide from me! I want to meet other vampires! I want to see people!"

"If only you could understand how much mistaken you are," I said calmly. "It is not that I am trying to rob you of some vital part of life, or to keep you all to myself. Although I admit that I _am,_ in fact, trying to keep_ something_ from you, it is not what you think it is. My son, I am trying to protect you. I am trying to shield you from those evils which you and your brother are not yet strong enough to fight."

"I am not weak!" he yelled. "I do not need your protection – I don't _want_ it! You make us out to be children, when we are in fact stronger than any human being out there. How could they possibly hurt us?"

"Alas; when it comes to the humans, it isn't necessarily _your_ well-being that I am worried about."

"Carlisle, _please_," he begged, his tone drastically changing as he began to sob. "I am _so_ bored. This place sickens me, these walls mock me! You have to let us live. We were just born and already we are dying, locked inside this dreary castle. I want to see the beauties of the world. The cities, the people, the lights! I want to hear the music. If I stay in here, I will go mad. We all will."

"Your brother disagrees."

Edward frowned at these word, immediately stopped crying, and snorted loudly.

"Jasper has always been afraid to stand up to authority; he would do anything as long as it pleases you."

"And you?"

He hesitated for a moment, then replied: "I will not be _oppressed_."

"My decision is final, Edward. You are not going out there. Not yet."

How very naïve I was to think that words would keep him from getting what he wanted.

I spent that night alone, contemplating whether or not there where any truth to Edward's words; whether I was doing the right thing in keeping them shielded or not. I was torn. I knew that my keeping them from the world too long would eventually lead them to hate me, but I also knew that if I showed it to them now, I would lose them forever to their thirst and desire. They were still much too young and too inexperienced to resist its temptations; and there were many.

If only he wasn't so persistent, maybe then I could have ... but now he had made it impossible for me. Edward had proven to me that which I had always suspected; that he was a temperamental young man, driven by his urges and a lust for thrills. In the beginning, the novelty of this existence had sufficed for him, thrilling and new as it was, but that effect was starting to wear off. He had grown bored, thirsty for new knowledge, new emotions and new beauties to lay his eyes upon. I knew that letting him into the world would be to let a serial killer into a crowd of innocent people. For as much as I tried to deny it, there never was and never will be a thrill like that of drinking the blood of a human – and I really believed that all it would take for Edward to realize that was even the slightest smell of some young person's blood.

It pained me that it had come to this – and so soon. I had been a fool to think that we could live in peace and in virtue. It was as if this place and the creatures in it bore an incurable infection. I had thought myself immune to it, but it had finally found its way into my life, to try and destroy it. Evil always finds a way in.

That night, I decided to leave. First thing in the morning, I would go to the boys and tell them to gather their things, and we would find another place somewhere. Somewhere away from vampires and humans alike. Travelling only by night, we would avoid the high roads and hopefully find a desolate place to build our new home. Perhaps that excitement would calm Edward's nerve's somewhat ...

For now I wanted the boys to rest, so that in the morning, they would have the strength to reconcile. As for myself, I decided to watch the sunrise from Volterra one last time. I climbed the highest wall of the castle with ease and seated myself upon the stones.

It was still dark when Aro joined me. Silently he sat down next to me, gently reaching out to touch my face with his hand. Pressing it against my cheek, his eyes searched through my gaze. We said nothing. His eyes were terrifying and beautiful; red as blood, yet soft as they observed me. The sun began to rise, slowly, casting a bright amber streak upon the horizon, but Aro never once took his eyes from me. As I watched him, they looked blank and shallow, almost as though they were about to fill with tears.

His lips parted, and for a moment he just breathed.

"I did everything," he whispered then, his voice unstable. "I tried my all to keep you. But you were never meant to stay in this place. You were never mine to keep. I see that now."

"Aro ..."

I had never seen him so vulnerable, so affectionate, and as his fingers brushed lightly against my ear, I thought briefly of staying there after all, of integrating with the others. It would be so much simpler … But it wouldn't be right.

I had a responsibility now, towards the boys.

"I always admired you, Carlisle. You must know this. Never once did I look down upon you for your choices. I knew you were different from the others, you were … purer. A saint in your own right. And I always loved you ... the best."

"Pray, do not make this any harder than it already is."

"I am not trying to; I am done trying to convince you. But there are things I must let you know before you go. Oh, it'll be so much harder out there, Carlisle. There will be humans at every corner – accident's waiting to happen – and if you want to succeed, you must teach the boys all you know about abstinence. How to control their thirst. Watch them closely; learn to think like them. Learn to predict their attacks – for they will attack, sooner or later. And you do not want to cause a scene, trust me."

"I know all of this, Aro. Do you think I would go out there if I was not prepared for what is coming?"

He smiled vaguely.

"I know you are prepared … You always were a foreseeing man."

The sky was coloured brightly purple and pink behind his head and the first birds had started to sing.

"This will be the saddest day," he added. "To watch you leave. Taking with you the two most beautiful our kind has ever seen. I tried ..." He turned away his eyes, his fingers still touching my face.

"And failed."

Looking back at me with more intense eyes now, he squinted slightly and said: "But I never once stopped loving you."

"Aro ..." I said once more.

"Your triumph is my failure."

He shut his eyes and leaned closer to me, placing his hands at both sides of my face. Gently he pressed his hard lips against my mouth, then my forehead, and then leaned back. His hands retreated, leaving my thoughts once again to myself, and he stood up.

"Fare thee well, my friend. Godspeed."

And with that, he turned and left.

Once I had made my way back down into the castle, the sun was up and Edward was already gone. Jasper came to me, hysterical and crying, beating at my chest as I tried to pull an explanation out of him. It was useless, and in the end I got another vampire to tell me.

"They were supposedly fighting over something, and then someone heard glass break – next thing we knew, Jasper was going ballistic in your room, destroying furniture and screaming like a madman. Edward ran off, having jumped out the window in your room. I saw him run north, to the woods."

I sighed, and pulled Jasper closer into an embrace. He fought me at first, but then gave in and continued to sob into my shirt.

I wasn't the least bit surprised that this had happened, but I was disappointed. This was the time to act.

I sat with him for a while until he stopped crying, and then told him: "Jasper, I want you to listen closely to what I am about to say."

He looked up at me, wide-eyed-innocent and wiped the tears from his face.

"What?"

"You and me ..." I hesitated for a moment. "We leave this place today. Volterra is not a place for people like you and I. So I want you to go to our room, gather what things you need and come meet me at the gates."

"What about Edward?" he exclaimed, "What if he comes back and were not here? He's probably so scared out there right now -"

"It's too late for Edward, Jasper. _He's not coming back_, and the sooner you realize that, the better. He was never like you and me, and if you look deep into your heart, I think you will find that you are better off. I know it's frightening, my child, I know … But today, you spread your own wings."

Naturally, he protested for quite a long while, but in the end he gave in, already exhausted from all that had taken place. As he rushed to our room, I went to the front entrance to wait for him, watching the Tuscan landscape spread out and billow below.

I turned to look inside once more and found that I was being observed. Far off at the other end of the giant hallway, stood Aro, watching me in silence. Though I could not see his expression, his posture was dejected, and an air of sadness surrounded him. For a moment, we stood and stared at one another, neither of us moving. It was only when Jasper appeared in front of him, on his way to meet me, that our connection broke.

Aro turned to the boy, grabbing him gently by the shoulders. They spoke quietly for a short while, though I could not hear what they said. Jasper bowed his head to him, and knelt before Aro who offered him his hand. Carefully grasping it, Jasper pressed it to his lips and held it there. It seemed they were both weeping; their bodies softly shivering and slouching in that very distinctive way.

Then Aro did something that I have never seen an elder do before or after; he too knelt, coming eye-to-eye with Jasper, and pulled him into a hard embrace.

The scene moved me to tears. Once more, I was faced with doubt and, for a second, I despised myself for snatching Jasper away from this place which had, over the last year, become his home.

The two men stood at last, and Aro spoke a few silent words before urging Jasper on, turning him toward me. With a hanging head and sloping shoulders, Jasper started walking away from him, and as he did, I could swear I heard Aro quietly say: "Be safe, my sons."

As he approached me, I placed my arm around Jasper's shoulders and gently wiped the tears from his crying eyes.

"I know it hurts, but it is for the best."

He didn't respond.

xXx

We started north toward Bologna, then onwards to Milan and Turin. Running and walking in silence for days and for weeks as we left Italy behind and entered France. Jasper was a changed man now; more quiet and morose than I had ever seen him. I knew he thought of his brother, that he blamed himself for Edward's sudden disappearance; but I said nothing to comfort him, not yet. First he needed to mourn, then he would hopefully be able to see the necessity in our leaving.

We stayed in an abandoned cottage outside off Marseilles for a week or so, as I planned out our continued travels. I thought for a while about emigrating to America, but soon rejected the thought as it would mean we had to stay on a boat with humans for some time – a risk I was not willing to take so soon. Then I considered England, my own birthplace, but the thought of returning to the land were I was once created made me nervous and uneasy. I thought of Spain, Germany, Switzerland – Scandinavia even, but I could come to no conclusion. The world lay open in front of me, and I had no idea where to go.

On the ninth night that we spent in the cottage, I sat down with Jasper to finally try and speak with him. He seemed as tired and dejected as he had the very day that we left, and didn't respond the first few times I tried to address him.

"Jasper, please talk to me," I begged. He looked up, his eyes empty as freshly-dug graves. "I thought things would have gotten better by now, but you … you seem so empty."

"You really honestly do not understand it, do you?" he said darkly. "Edward was … everything. He has been with me for every day of my life, and now … he is gone. He _left_ me behind. And I do not know whether I will ever get to see his face again, or if I could have somehow prevented all this from happening. As much as I love you, Carlisle, and as much as I appreciate all that you have done for me and my brother … I blame you for this. And I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive you for the loss of him."

Covering his face in his delicate hands, Jasper began to weep, and I sat down next to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his body. A dark cloud was spreading in my chest, and suddenly I felt sick to the bone, furious with myself for hurting this beautiful, innocent being.

I thought back to the night they were given to me and remembered my awe at the first sight of them; their inseparability and their immediate effect on me. All of the beauty I had seen then … I realized now just exactly how I had treated it, in my foolish attempt to control them both. I had spoiled it, befouled it with my egotism and eventually torn it apart, destroying it completely until only the shards of it remained; dirty, cracked pieces of a once beautiful artwork of love and life.

Tears ran down my cheeks and into Jasper's honey-coloured hair, and I clutched him tighter.

"How could he –?" said Jasper, bursting into sobs before he could finish the sentence.

xXx

Our stay in the cottage was prolonged; I couldn't bare the thought of continuing on in the state we were both in, so I decided that we stay for at least a few months. I consulted Jasper on the matter, but he seemed indifferent and didn't really care where he was living at the moment. One day, I went on my own into the city to procure some materials and tools and, once back, explained to Jasper that we were to build a new home for ourselves. My heart jumped as I saw a hint of excitement glisten in his eye at my words. Together we found a suitable spot and started our work.

The two of us built faster than any group of men could ever have done, and by the end of that very same day, our new home was almost finished. As night fell, we sat down to rest for a moment, watching the starlit sky in peaceful silence.

I was at ease, and I could sense that Jasper too was starting to feel better. As he sat next to me – close, but without our bodies touching – I could sense his determination. Observing him that day had given me a new sense of hope for him, for the light which shone in his eyes as we worked together was reminiscent of the light he'd exhibited on our first encounter. I don't know what did it, what made him come round, but I was thankful that it had finally happened.

As we sat there, I thought of how much had changed since that day when I first met the boys. I thought especially of how much _I_ had changed. Before them, I had been searching desperately for a purpose, for something to make me feel alive again – but always for naught. Once they stepped into my life, purpose was pushed upon me and I found myself overwhelmed by the responsibility of being in control of somebody else's life.

It was absolutely terrifying. And beautiful.

With Edward gone, there was now an empty void in my life. As stubborn and egocentric as he was, I did love him deeply. How could I not? I loved them both equally for what they had given to me. But I truly believed, then and there, that Edward was a lost cause. But there was still hope for Jasper, and now all my responsibilities lied with him.

Just as I thought this, he turned to me and said: "I owe you an apology, Carlisle."

His words caught me off my feet, so I replied: "What for?"

"I'm afraid I have been unfair to you. It isn't your fault that he is gone; it was _he_ who made the decision to leave."

"While that is true, the way I treated him probably … I could have prevented it."

"Maybe. But only temporarily, is what I believe. He was always going to leave, sooner or later. And I don't think there was anything either of us could have done to stop it from happening."

"Well … in any case, I am glad to see that you are starting to cope."

All around us was silence, apart from the sounds of the night, and no artificial light was seen for miles. This was a desolate place, surrounded by nature in all its glory and, I thought to myself, the perfect place for Jasper and I to start anew.

He scooted closer and I placed my arm around him, drawing him toward myself. Resting his head upon my collar, he let out a relieved sigh. His flowery scent enthralled me and I softly began stroking the back of his hand with my fingers.

"In a way," he said quietly, "it feels nice to be alone with you."

I looked down into his face – his beautiful, beautiful face – and he smiled warmly at me. Straining his neck, he came closer, placing his hand at the back of my head, his lips reaching for mine. We shared a kiss and an embrace, then sat together in silence for a while.

At dawn, we resumed our work. And I was happy again.


End file.
